Sunday, November 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Garageband Fun I: Taal
Ok, I figured out how to upload the audio files created in Garageband. Yea for me! David and I had a lot of fun doing this, however due to his unfathomable reluctance to vocalize in a decibel audible to humans, only my voice can be heard. If you hear very very carefully you will realize that this is a duet.
Monday, May 19, 2008
TOOFANI RAAT
Just when I thought the Mac could not get any more fun (I really need to figure out how to upload some of the Garageband stuff) I discover ComicLife
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Comedy of Errors III: Green Thumb Dumb
Have you ever had that dream where you are moving across a room and find yourself to be the most popular person in there? Everybody looks happy, strangers want to talk to you, and people are smiling and pointing you out to others. You are the cynosure of all eyes. Except something is wrong, very wrong. You realize this is not really a dream it is a nightmare. People are not smiling with you, they are rolling on the floor, tears streaming down their face, about to pee in their pants, laughing their ass off AT YOU!!!!
I am weirdo magnet and this is my story.
I was happy. It was an extra special day because long last I had fulfilled my desire to buy a little desk plant for my cubicle. My seat is right by a window and I had decorated the narrow window ledge with some photographs, office humor printouts and other vague curios. The only thing missing was a whiff of green (leaves not bills) to complete the picture.
My plant was in a jar about 4” by 3”, firmly held by a thin layer of mud at the bottom. It was tiny, green, and just about perfect. As I walked in with it, a lot of people complimented it and with a smile I gracefully accepted the well deserved accolades based on my superior skill in plant selection and such like.
At this point I guess it would be prudent to admit that I consider my self to have a bit of a green thumb. And I do tend to get emotionally involved with my plants. I have a past history of foster care for plants and it would break my heart when the “real owners” would come to take it away.
Anyway enough of my emotional baggage, suffice to say I do tend to get a little more involved with my plant care than maybe other random people.
For three days I lovingly tended the tiny plant. Daily adding a little water, talking to it to give it encouragement, changing its position so that all sides get sufficient sunlight. In short, doing everything that would keep a plant happy and healthy. Soon my TLC seemed to pay dividend when on the third morning I looked at it and realized that new leaves may have appeared overnight.
I was happy and so very clueless.
Later that day H stopped by my cubicle and sat on the extra chair. She saw me watering my plant and for a while did not say a thing. Then in a serious yet oddly curious tone asked me what I was doing.
"Er, watering my plant? What does it look like I am doing?"
H looked at the plant then at me then at the plant again. “But…but… why?” she asked?
“Why do you think I am watering it?” I replied, never one to back down from a ridiculous conversation if the need arises.
Um..well..er…you do realize this is a PLASTIC PLANT right? RIGHT?
The word spread. Soon I would be stopped at corridors, café and supply rooms and asked by random strangers if I had truly taken care of a plastic plant thinking it to be the real thing. People would start meetings with a recount of my plant woes and I would be sitting with an embarrassed grin in place.
“ Maya??…Yea right! Feels pretty unmaya like to me!!!”
Later I tried to assess why I could not catch the clues. The green leaves were ridiculously fluorescent in color and the cream/pink roots were sticking upwards out of the (fake) mud. The plant, if I can still call it that, along with its base was slightly elevated from the jar bottom. At the time I think I had found these discrepancies to be delightfully quirky. But of course the fact that I had found it in a Thrift store, on the room decorations aisle, in the midst of candles and other “Obvious” artificial plants…. was a clue I should not have missed.
You see what you want to believe. Epiphany? Maybe…
As to what happened to the plastic piece of lies? I have kept it away inside my file cabinet. Out of sight, but somehow not out of mind.
I am weirdo magnet and this is my story.
I was happy. It was an extra special day because long last I had fulfilled my desire to buy a little desk plant for my cubicle. My seat is right by a window and I had decorated the narrow window ledge with some photographs, office humor printouts and other vague curios. The only thing missing was a whiff of green (leaves not bills) to complete the picture.
My plant was in a jar about 4” by 3”, firmly held by a thin layer of mud at the bottom. It was tiny, green, and just about perfect. As I walked in with it, a lot of people complimented it and with a smile I gracefully accepted the well deserved accolades based on my superior skill in plant selection and such like.
At this point I guess it would be prudent to admit that I consider my self to have a bit of a green thumb. And I do tend to get emotionally involved with my plants. I have a past history of foster care for plants and it would break my heart when the “real owners” would come to take it away.
Anyway enough of my emotional baggage, suffice to say I do tend to get a little more involved with my plant care than maybe other random people.
For three days I lovingly tended the tiny plant. Daily adding a little water, talking to it to give it encouragement, changing its position so that all sides get sufficient sunlight. In short, doing everything that would keep a plant happy and healthy. Soon my TLC seemed to pay dividend when on the third morning I looked at it and realized that new leaves may have appeared overnight.
I was happy and so very clueless.
Later that day H stopped by my cubicle and sat on the extra chair. She saw me watering my plant and for a while did not say a thing. Then in a serious yet oddly curious tone asked me what I was doing.
"Er, watering my plant? What does it look like I am doing?"
H looked at the plant then at me then at the plant again. “But…but… why?” she asked?
“Why do you think I am watering it?” I replied, never one to back down from a ridiculous conversation if the need arises.
Um..well..er…you do realize this is a PLASTIC PLANT right? RIGHT?
The word spread. Soon I would be stopped at corridors, café and supply rooms and asked by random strangers if I had truly taken care of a plastic plant thinking it to be the real thing. People would start meetings with a recount of my plant woes and I would be sitting with an embarrassed grin in place.
“ Maya??…Yea right! Feels pretty unmaya like to me!!!”
Later I tried to assess why I could not catch the clues. The green leaves were ridiculously fluorescent in color and the cream/pink roots were sticking upwards out of the (fake) mud. The plant, if I can still call it that, along with its base was slightly elevated from the jar bottom. At the time I think I had found these discrepancies to be delightfully quirky. But of course the fact that I had found it in a Thrift store, on the room decorations aisle, in the midst of candles and other “Obvious” artificial plants…. was a clue I should not have missed.
You see what you want to believe. Epiphany? Maybe…
As to what happened to the plastic piece of lies? I have kept it away inside my file cabinet. Out of sight, but somehow not out of mind.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Comedy of Errors II: HELP, There Is A Bird In My Purse!
H: Are we planning to cook tonight?
Me: I don’t know, do you want to?
H: I don’t know.
Me: Lets just eat out, where do you want to go?
H: Hmm…. is Chilli’s OK?
Me: Yea sure not a problem.
A normal conversation, one that has been replayed many times prior to this day. Nothing indicated that what was to follow would be anything but normal. There was no sign, no forewarning, just two naïve girls looking forward to eating dinner.
The stagnant air inside the car had heated up to an unbearable degree. I switched on the air conditioning. It was just a 5-minute journey, we made it in 10. The traffic was relentless.
H: Why don’t you park closer? Anyway it’s a pick up.
Me: It’s just a row away! OK Fine I will park closer.
I wonder now if things would have been different if I had insisted that we remain parked where we were? Was this the reason for sloth to be named as one of the 7 deadly sins? I parked the car. Close, real close. H, got out and waited on the pavement meanwhile I stepped out, opened the back door and reached for my purse…
MWWWAAARRRRGGHHH!
Me: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SOUND?
H: I don’t know some bird in the trees or something
Me: OMG! OMG! DID I RUN OVER SOME BIRD OR SOMETHING?
H: No re, lets go.
I didn’t believe her. This thing that made that sound seemed to be in agony and seemed very close. I stooped low to check under the car. Nothing. I reluctantly reached for my purse again. Time seemed to move in slow motion. H waiting, my trembling hands reaching for the purse, pausing, my fingers curling over the handle. Me turning to look at H, she turning her head away.
In the middle of a busy parking lot I felt so alone.
I grabbed the purse. No hideous wailing, no unearthly scream capable of waking the dead. Just the sound of my shallow breathing and sweet silence. I picked up my purse and slammed the door shut.
MWAAAAARGH! MAAAAAAHRG!
Me: SHIT!! IT’S FROM MY PURSE! SOMETHING IN MY PURSE!
I flung my purse and it landed on the hood of the car.
Me: OMG! OMG! WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
Me: DO I HAVE A BIRD OR SOMETHING IN MY PURSE?
Me: SHIT….SHIT…SHIT!!!
H: Don’t be crazy, how can something go inside you purse?
Me: I DON’T KNOW! SHIT!
H: It must be somewhere else, just take your purse.
Me: You are right. Ok breath, relax, I can’t have a bird in my purse. That’s crazy. I am going to just reach out and poke my purse and no sound will come. Ok breath now!
With courage I did not know I possessed, I hesitantly reached to poke my purse.
MWWWWAAAAAAARGGGGHHHHH!
Me: IT”S IN MY PURSE!
Me: (Close to bawling my eyes out) H please help…please god…OMG HEEEEEEEELP!!!
Me: Please H poke my purse once, I can’t do it!
H: Oh God! You are crazy! Fine I will do it.
H in a pretend nonchalant manner reached out to poke my purse. She poked. Nothing. The purse lay on the hood of my car as innocent as a newborn babe. As if everything that had just transpired was just a figment of my imagination.
Was this senility? Was the psychosis that I had so feared now finally emerging?
H: (Clearly relieved) Look nothing happened. Just take your purse and lets go it’s getting late.
“Its all a Maya”
I reach for my purse. I pick it up.
MUUUAARGH!!
A minute of silence follows.
Me: Haaaahhaaaa LOL LOL HAHAHAH OMG hahaahha
H: Whats wrong with you? Are you OK why are you laughing?
Me: HAHAHAH! OMG OM!! HAHHA!!
Me: Okay..lets go in, HAHAHA!! I will tell you later…OMG, HAHAHA, I know what’s making that sound HAHHAHA.....
Two weeks ago I had gone shopping and among my purchases was this adorable cow keychain. It had a green nose that seemed it would glow in the dark but didn’t. It also had a tiny paper sticking out of its udders that said pull here. Yes, Really, and stop sniggering, what are you like 5? Anyway I pulled the little paper out and waited but nothing happened. I prodded and poked, but the Cow-chain remained placid in a way only a bovine can manage.
I never really noticed the tiny little bump jutting out of the head of the Cow-chain in all its insidious glory.
Me: I don’t know, do you want to?
H: I don’t know.
Me: Lets just eat out, where do you want to go?
H: Hmm…. is Chilli’s OK?
Me: Yea sure not a problem.
A normal conversation, one that has been replayed many times prior to this day. Nothing indicated that what was to follow would be anything but normal. There was no sign, no forewarning, just two naïve girls looking forward to eating dinner.
The stagnant air inside the car had heated up to an unbearable degree. I switched on the air conditioning. It was just a 5-minute journey, we made it in 10. The traffic was relentless.
H: Why don’t you park closer? Anyway it’s a pick up.
Me: It’s just a row away! OK Fine I will park closer.
I wonder now if things would have been different if I had insisted that we remain parked where we were? Was this the reason for sloth to be named as one of the 7 deadly sins? I parked the car. Close, real close. H, got out and waited on the pavement meanwhile I stepped out, opened the back door and reached for my purse…
MWWWAAARRRRGGHHH!
Me: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SOUND?
H: I don’t know some bird in the trees or something
Me: OMG! OMG! DID I RUN OVER SOME BIRD OR SOMETHING?
H: No re, lets go.
I didn’t believe her. This thing that made that sound seemed to be in agony and seemed very close. I stooped low to check under the car. Nothing. I reluctantly reached for my purse again. Time seemed to move in slow motion. H waiting, my trembling hands reaching for the purse, pausing, my fingers curling over the handle. Me turning to look at H, she turning her head away.
In the middle of a busy parking lot I felt so alone.
I grabbed the purse. No hideous wailing, no unearthly scream capable of waking the dead. Just the sound of my shallow breathing and sweet silence. I picked up my purse and slammed the door shut.
MWAAAAARGH! MAAAAAAHRG!
Me: SHIT!! IT’S FROM MY PURSE! SOMETHING IN MY PURSE!
I flung my purse and it landed on the hood of the car.
Me: OMG! OMG! WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
Me: DO I HAVE A BIRD OR SOMETHING IN MY PURSE?
Me: SHIT….SHIT…SHIT!!!
H: Don’t be crazy, how can something go inside you purse?
Me: I DON’T KNOW! SHIT!
H: It must be somewhere else, just take your purse.
Me: You are right. Ok breath, relax, I can’t have a bird in my purse. That’s crazy. I am going to just reach out and poke my purse and no sound will come. Ok breath now!
With courage I did not know I possessed, I hesitantly reached to poke my purse.
MWWWWAAAAAAARGGGGHHHHH!
Me: IT”S IN MY PURSE!
Me: (Close to bawling my eyes out) H please help…please god…OMG HEEEEEEEELP!!!
Me: Please H poke my purse once, I can’t do it!
H: Oh God! You are crazy! Fine I will do it.
H in a pretend nonchalant manner reached out to poke my purse. She poked. Nothing. The purse lay on the hood of my car as innocent as a newborn babe. As if everything that had just transpired was just a figment of my imagination.
Was this senility? Was the psychosis that I had so feared now finally emerging?
H: (Clearly relieved) Look nothing happened. Just take your purse and lets go it’s getting late.
“Its all a Maya”
I reach for my purse. I pick it up.
MUUUAARGH!!
A minute of silence follows.
Me: Haaaahhaaaa LOL LOL HAHAHAH OMG hahaahha
H: Whats wrong with you? Are you OK why are you laughing?
Me: HAHAHAH! OMG OM!! HAHHA!!
Me: Okay..lets go in, HAHAHA!! I will tell you later…OMG, HAHAHA, I know what’s making that sound HAHHAHA.....
Two weeks ago I had gone shopping and among my purchases was this adorable cow keychain. It had a green nose that seemed it would glow in the dark but didn’t. It also had a tiny paper sticking out of its udders that said pull here. Yes, Really, and stop sniggering, what are you like 5? Anyway I pulled the little paper out and waited but nothing happened. I prodded and poked, but the Cow-chain remained placid in a way only a bovine can manage.
I never really noticed the tiny little bump jutting out of the head of the Cow-chain in all its insidious glory.
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