Whats so FUNNY???

M pinged me early in the day (well it was just after noon) complaining she was bored. Not yet fully awake, I was understandably sluggish in my responses. Displeased, she demonstrated her disapproval in the following manner….

M: mmm,..hmmmmmm hama mama maa hamamamamaaaaa
hamamamamaaaaaaa hamamamamaaaaaaaaaaa haooooooooooooooo hamamamaaaaaa
hamamamaaaaa hamamamaaaaa haooooooooooooooooo han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han
han han han han han han han hananaaa hananaaaaaaa

Me: STOP!!!

M: hananaaaaaaa haanooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Obviously Z had trained her well!!! I decided the best recourse would be to join her at her place so as to escape the incessant online howling. Jokes apart I had a wonderful time. We cooked some fabulous chicken curry; potato rice and not so wonderful yet somewhat tasty rice pudding (don’t ever call it Kheer when speaking to a Persian).

A joined us in the evening and along with M’s family, Z and a fabulous dinner, the evening was a success. A left early but I wanted to hang around for a little longer so eventually M came to drop me home at around 12 am.

She decided to stay for a short while but we ended up talking for more than an hour; the details of which I am about to reveal shortly. Now usually this time of the night or anytime near the vicinity of 3:00 am M and I, no matter what topic we started with, end up in a philosophical debate. Ethics, religion, morals, values, politics, discrimination, race, woman rights, science…you name it we’ve discussed it. In fact this happens ever so often that whenever we start talking about any serious issue we wryly look at each other and say is it 3 already?

However this time around we ended up talking about something much more important, way more interesting and infinitely more complex than the topics I mentioned earlier….Men and Dating!!!! Not having too much experience in certain aspects of the topic we decided to get some expert advice from a trusted source…Google and that’s where we came across the following article on FLIRTING.

Now the article in itself would not be worth posting but for the fact that M and I laughed so hard that we tears rolling down our cheeks and had to stop multiple times to control our laughter before continuing reading aloud the article. If you have read the article by now you must be wondering what so funny? Well…lets just say that we interpreted the article literally and I do mean LITERALLY and exaggerated its content to a great extent. We were also enacting possible scenarios if someone were to ever go on a date and actually do all the things we imagined the article was suggesting us to do.

While a visual demonstration would really bring out the full flavor of the discussion and the reason behind our hysterical laughter, I will attempt to put down in words some of the scenarios we created based on the article and with a little imagination the reason for our mirth would be all too clear.
The article starts of with this dire warning, “Statistics differ but most experts agree it takes us between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if we fancy someone - and as much as we'd like to think it all rests on that witty one-liner, it doesn't. 55% of the impression we get from someone comes through our body language, 38% is from the tone, speed and inflection of our voice and a mere seven per cent is from what we're actually saying!” The article continues on to state “If you're not already feeling horribly self-conscious, you should be. To make you completely paranoid, here's another scary thought. Before you've even spoken to the person you've got your eye on, the way you've walked and stood is more than 80 per cent of their first impression of you!”
Suitably impressed we continued reading “The five secret sexual signals that someone is flirting with you.” And that’s when all the fun started. The next part of this post gives a partial account of each of the five signals and our take on it…

The flirting triangle: When we look at people we're not familiar with our eyes make a zig-zag motion: we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose. With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape: we look from eye to eye but also look down to include the nose and mouth. Once we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger - it widens at the bottom to include their good bits (like the body). The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we'll look from eye to eye - and the more time we'll spend looking at their mouth.

Our Take: So you are out with your date in a restaurant. There is initial zig zagging of eyes, slowly as the date progress you start the triangle eye…eye…mouth, eye…eye…mouth, eye…eye…mouth. Ok getting intense now… stare at the mouth keep staring at mouth now the eyes..eye..eye..back to mouth…. stare at the mouth. (You at some point also mention to your date that obviously the intense mouth staring proves you like him but it would be even more effective if he could remove the piece of green stuck between his teeth!!) keep looking …. Stare…. Eye-Eye---- Mouth

Mirroring: This is what separates a good flirt from a great flirt, nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's behavior. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something intimate, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit. As a general rule, wait around 50 seconds before following their gestures.

Our Take: Staring intensely at the mouth now with occasional eye gazing. Through peripheral vision can see date scratching his nose. Through other eye glimpse at watch… Don’t move eye away from mouth. Now wait for it….wait…40 seconds... wait for it…. 10 seconds…WAIT FOR IT …. 5…. 4… 3…. 2….. GO…SCRATCH NOSE NOW!!!


The eyebrow flash: When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows in return. The trick is to watch for it when you meet someone you fancy. Better still, tell them you're interested on a subconscious level by prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second - deliberately raise them while catching their eye for full impact.

Our Take: Enter restaurant can see date sitting. Quick eyebrow raise. Get closer … looking good … arch eyebrows higher…date raising even higher eyebrows… very confused … should perform immediate higher eyebrow raising or follow 50 second mirror rule??? …date raised eyebrows again, infact alternating eyebrows... shoot cannot do alternate eyebrow raise. Chucking 50 second rule stretching forehead to maximum height to obtain highest eyebrow raise possible…

Pointing: We tend to point toward the person we're interested in. If we find someone attractive, we'll often point at them subconsciously with our hands arms, feet, legs, toes. Unconsciously, this is often picked up by the other person, without them really knowing why. So if you've got your eye on someone in the corner, point your body in their direction.

Our Take: done with eyebrow raising, forehead feeling slightly sore. Starting flirting triangle..eye..eye …. mouth … focus on mouth … date sneezing …. Wait for it… look at time…. Wait and Sneeze!!! Time to point…. Keep the triangle going.. ..don’t lose focus now… Unclear which body part to point with… still undecided …. Usings all possible body parts..hands, feets finger….through peripheral vision can see date pointing back ….. Both pointing at each other now…. Hand and fingers feeling stiff but continuing with pointing…
Alternative Scenario: hate your date? Start pointing at other guys. In fact if more than one cute guy, use hand, fingers, feet and toes to simultaneously point at guys in different directions.

Blinking: If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in your favour, try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to, by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they'll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in turn, makes you both feel more attracted to each other!

Our Take: still staring at mouth…hand, feet, fingers, toes, all pointing at date…starting blink..slowly now…increase speed…blink blink blink blink…keep at it…peripheral vision showing date is matching speed…faster now… blinkblinkblink…. Hope pupils are expanding….blinking furiously now….. cannot see anything….. everything is becoming blurry. … keep blinking!!!!


Disclaimer: The information in this post is for infotainment purposes only. CribbyCrab assumes no liability for any inaccurate, delayed or incomplete information, nor guarantee the accuracy thereon. Prior to adopting any flirting technique, it is recommended that you consult a relationship coach a.k.a Dr. Phil.